The other night I took my kids out to the local library for an evening of music. Little Miss had a blast dancing and doing actions while her older brother sat back and waited for everything to end. SO not his thing.
There were complimentary drinks and desserts for everyone, and I had to remind my kids about the rules of foreign sweets. They both asked at separate times if they could try one of the delicious goodies on the counter and each conversation was quite different:
Little Miss:
"Mom, can I have one of those things there on the counter?"
"No, hon, there might be peanuts in it. But you could have a juice box."
She jumps up. "Get one for your brother, too." I say as she runs excitedly to the counter. I can hear her explain everything to the librarian just in case she does not understand about juice, sharing, or brothers.
She runs back, "It costs no cents, Mom, no cents!!"
She is extremely excited about everything, and the treats are forgotten.
Little Monster:
"Mom, can I have one of those cookies over there?" Sipping his juice box.
"No, hon, there might be peanuts in it." He slumps in his chair and says, "Humph."
"I'll go over and check just to make sure," I say. I want him to start having a good time, and he didn't have much supper.
Sure enough, three platters are arranged beautifully with mixed cookies, tarts and other home-baked goodness. Definitely a nightmare for me and my allergy.
"Sorry, bud. It's a no go."
He pouts some more, complains how hungry he is, and his eyes water.
Suddenly, Little Miss arrives with a tennis ball that she won for her extreme dance moves, and he is distracted. Phew!
But as I sit there beside him, I think, what would be the harm in him having something? What are the chances that I would react? If something is a peanut-butter cookie, or contains M&Ms, then it is definitely not an option. But what if there was nothing there with allergens? I could go through all of the pre-bought packages and choose something from there. Even if it said "may contain," I probably wouldn't react if he ate it. But at the age of seven, can he distinguish one from the other?
At some point, he is going to lash out at me, rebel, and eat something I can't. My sister did the same thing, only to be shamed by my mother. So when and where do I let him go? Little Miss has NEVER had peanuts. She's had her allergies tested, but she has never had an opportunity away from me.
The "boys" have a weekend away every fall and gorge themselves on peanut butter, Reece's peanut butter cups, and the like. They eat it Friday night, wash up, clean everything short of burning their clothes, and return home two days later. Little Miss doesn't get that. It broke my heart the day they came home and she asked her brother what peanut butter tasted like.
Near the end of the evening, my son again complained of hunger and eyed the goodies being packed away. Our friendly librarian suddenly remembered our predicament and found a box of Dare cookies that had not been put out on the trays.
Little Miss loudly asked, "Are they peanut-free?" My heart burst.
Little Monster shyly took some cookies, looked at me with those big, thankful, bright eyes and ran after his sister onto the dance floor. I smiled as she began her extreme dance moves again, and he happily hopped on one foot, leading the younger boys in a new, cool dance move.
There won't always be a friendly librarian, and he won't always be distracted by a tennis ball, but for now I could let my worries rest until another day.
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