- a sensation of whirling and loss of balance, associated particularly with looking down from a great height, or caused by disease affecting the inner ear or the vestibular nerve; giddiness.
Well it sure wasn't giddiness.
More like the "swirly vortex of terror," Marlin, the clown fish sees in the East Australian Current.
For anyone who has chronic vertigo - I salute you. It is awful.
Now perhaps with a bit of panic thrown in I was my own worst enemy but after two hours on the bathroom floor in the fetal position, I wasn't sure what was happening. I rested my head on the floor, waiting to see if I was going to be sick or faint or explode and decided to self-diagnose:
1. I was awake all night and drank five cups of coffee this morning: therefore I was suffering from dehydration and exhaustion. But why was the ceiling swirling around in my eyes?
2. I made and ate scrambled eggs from a box for lunch: therefore I have food poisoning. But Little Miss had some and she was happily watching movies...
3. I have something called vertigo. ["What's vergo?" Mr. asks.] "No, vertigo! V..e..r.. moan.." But I can't even sit up to google it on my laptop.
4. In my sleepy stupor this morning, I accidently took too many milligrams of my anti-seizure medicine. This has to be a drug overdose. It has to be. I can't see straight. I feel like I'm going to be sick. My arms are numb and my back is tight (forgetting I had also been in the fetal position for an hour and a half).
Mr. called the pharmacy and they said I would be fine, it couldn't be the drugs. The paramedics said it couldn't be the drugs. The doctor said it couldn't be the drugs.
Once the ambulance arrived and checked me out they said it would be up to me if I wanted to go to the hospital.
Hmm, a quiet room? A ride in the ambulance? Time away from my kids?
"And two good-looking ambulance attendants?" Mr. says.
I THINK I'LL GO!
*****
I will say ambulance attendants work hard to cheer up their patients. Of course they both wanted to talk cake once they figured out what I did. One spoke of the wedding cake that never showed up:
He was from Trenton. ["Sorry 'bout that," I said, grinning.] He and his bride were taken in by a wedding cake scam where they had to pay everything up front, and on the day of the wedding, the baker calls, says he was in a bad car accident, and that the cake is destroyed. No refund.
The following week my new paramedic friend says he hears this same story again, and realized it was a scam. Needless to say, he marched in, ripped the baker's musty, worn neck brace off and introduced him to several of his officer friends. Everybody got their refund. Excited stuff for a cake decorator to hear!
Our next conversation involved his line of work, and I told him of the last trip in an ambulance which was from Napanee, where I grew up.
"You're from Napanee?" he asked, grinning. "Sorry 'bout that."
*****
The doctor at the hospital came in the room right away, shook my hand and said, "Nice to meet you, Janet."
"Um, my name's not Janet."
She ran right out again. Then I looked up and saw a poster directly in front of me: We check your identity several times during your visit here at our hospital. Have your wrist band ready.
I had no wrist band. Geez, I hope they don't give me the wrong drugs...
Hours later, after watching Mr. Man play Angry Birds on his phone, pace the room and ignore the sounds of stomach flu out in the hall, the doctor came back in again and checked me over.
"Other than epilepsy, do you have any other health problems?"she asked.
"I have a heart murmur, but it's not serious. I've just always had it." I assured her.
She checked my vitals, made me touch my finger to my nose, my foot to my opposite knee and walk in a straight line. Then she listened to my heart.
"You know you have a heart murmur? It's not serious, though. Fairly normal," she said.
Mr. and I just stared. She looked over at her chart. "Oh, you told me that."
Mmhmmm. And I'm the one worried about drugs...
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